dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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