Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
