I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
