yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
