just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
