Non-Jews are for practice
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
