By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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