woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As shirtless as possible
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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