why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
