he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
