Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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