Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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