I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
