All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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