i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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