There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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