I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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