You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
