I met the friendliest cop last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
