you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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