you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
