So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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