So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
two words: eviction party
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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