I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
