Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
