Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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