There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize