Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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