Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
