somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
