Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
