my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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