Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
