he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
