too bad you live with your parents still
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
bring money and cleavage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
