So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
