fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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