yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so fucking centered right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
