I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
