you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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