She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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