I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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