Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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