It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
