ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
