I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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