don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
