She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
