Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize