Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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