Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
