Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
